when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
