So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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