I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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