So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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