i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
