Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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