my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
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