When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
