So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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