it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
