Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize