You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
