And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
