ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
