my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
