It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
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I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
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I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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