"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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