yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize