somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
