All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
