my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
