really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
