hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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