after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
