DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
