I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
