so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
