They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
