I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
