I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
