I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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