"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
