my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
