He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
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Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
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