we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
