I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
