Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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