I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize