never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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