so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
