we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize