Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
