I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
