Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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