Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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