her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
