I am spending my child support on dildos
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
