My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
