the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
