I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
