She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
