I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
