I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
