so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
