if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
it's like heaven, but drunker
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
