are you so shy because you have an std?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
