Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
