it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
