I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
