it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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