I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
