Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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