I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
