Define "chronic" masturbator.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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