Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
