Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
