Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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