Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
