Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she looked like the before picture.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
