at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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