I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
