The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
