So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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