Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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