I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
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studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
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I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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