how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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